An encounter with a hipster is akin to getting crabs. You are out looking for a good time and its ruined by an unwelcome guest. Sure you can rid both with the threat of shampoo but the psychological scars remain. More than likely you will have one of these 'accidents' if you go to the hipster's natural habitat. In New York that would be Brooklyn. Washington, D.C. has Columbia Heights and Chicago's infestation is rampant in Bucktown. Starting a database of the hipster sections of major cities across the world will hopefully be my legacy. It's important to know where the species live so you can avoid that area; or if you wanted to be proactive, slip in some non-organic alfalfa sprouts into their wrap when they roll their eyes at you. (Fun fact: since hipsters' eyes are constantly rolling and shooting apathetic laser beams, and not being used for their intended purpose, 75% are legally blind.)
When you are in one of the aforementioned disaster zones, look for anything that is not an actual place of residence. Hipsters can't live in modern dwelling units. That is way too mainstream. Instead, they opt for converting an existing building into a place to live. Warehouse, doll factory, polio clinic and slaughterhouse are all viable options. "Yeah my bedroom is the kill floor and I do my painting in the industrial freezer." Why is living in a normal apartment so difficult for these people?
The only place a hipster would live in that was built as an intended place of residence is a loft. Although said loft would have to be in a very specific part of town, such as the furniture district. It could also be located above something like an abandoned pen factory or used book store. When they travel, hipsters will either crash on a sofa or hit up a hostel. The United States has roughly 3 hostels and each one is crawling with hipsters. $30 a night and sharing a sink with an Apple Store employee sounds awful.
If you do find yourself in the known habitat and think you've found one, don't ask if they are a hipster. A) It's pointless because by definition hipsters don't think they are one. If for some reason they did, they would never talk about it. It's pretty much a way douche-ier version of Fight Club. B) I would never wish the deep sigh and lethargic look you will surely receive on anyone. Instead, just simply pull out your phone, put the black and white option on and take a picture. It's best if the subject is halfway out of the shot and staring longingly an wrought iron fence. Put that baby up on your tumblr and give it this caption: douche.
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