Man Love: Ron Swanson

Editor's Note:  Today I will be introducing another planned recurring segment.  Man Love will deal with all things concerning men.  Dare I say, it will be a celebration of my male brethren.  Too often we as guys hate on each other.  I want to buck that trend and show some of my brothers (meant in the urban sense) some love.


'I won't publicly endorse a product unless I use it exclusively and I really believe in it. My only official recommendations are US Army issued mustache trimmers, Morton's Salt, and the C.R. Lawrence fine two-inch style oscillating knife blade.'



I wish I could say this quote came from me but sadly it did not.  (The great Ron Swanson, from the NBC show Parks and Recreation spit this wisdom and I simply couldn't let it go.)  I don't know if I will ever be able to use a mustache trimmer.  A) I can't grow a mustache.  I've tried and it looks horrible. (Note: Simply having hair above your lip does not constitute a mustache)  B) It looks horrible because my facial hair is blonde with red highlights.  (Did you hear that?  That was the sound of zero panties dropping at the thought of a ginger-blonde 'stache.)  Even if I could grow hair thick and bushy enough to be considered a mustache, I wouldn't do it.  Having a blonde mustache with red highlights defeats its purpose. 


Parks and Recreation is the only product/show I will endorse on this blog.  Although I think I'm more endorsing the Ron Swanson way of life.  If you haven't been able to tell,I try to follow the Ron Swanson Pyramid of Greatness, which can be seen here.  The other reason I'm posting about Ron Swanson is that I wanted any excuse I could find to post this animation:

The Godfather

My goal in life is to grow up to be like Ron Swanson.  The man dresses in Eddie Bauer, sports a Tom Selleck-esque mustache and has two ex-wives both named Tammy.  (I'm sure there are some hot Tammys in the world but let's be honest, no name better is a better indicator of mom jeans and a Dodge Grand Caravan than Tammy.  A Tammy would show up to a PTA meeting toting her famous lemon squares while wearing a denim vest she embroidered with flowers.)


Ron Swanson is the anti-hipster.  Everything he does is the opposite of what a hipster would do.  He fishes, whittles, and consumes copious amounts of pork products.  He even hired a hipster because he knew she would be horrible at her job, which was exactly what he was looking for.


From now on, this blog will refer to Ron Swanson as the Godfather.  No other name is more appropriate or fitting.  With every post I write, I will ask myself if it would please the Godfather.  For now, I am going to put a fresh coat of lacquer on my antique chifforobe and curse the man for his capital gains tax.